Four Tips for Working-Parents-to-Be
My son getting ready to head out to his job as Chief Nap Officer.
If you did a search of my calendar right now for the words "due date", you'd get way more results than normal. It feels like so many people I care about are having babies soon! It's caused me to reflect on what I wish I had known, and what I was glad that others told me when we were preparing for welcoming our first child into the world just three years ago.
If you are already a working parent, these might feel obvious to you. But they were not on my radar before I became a parent. These four are focused on parents working outside of the home - would love to hear your other tips for new parents in the comments!
Pick a last day at work
I had seen friends work right up until they were ready to head to the hospital in labor. I figured that I would do the same thing, assuming that I was feeling OK. I got strong advice from a few women that I trust that I should, if possible, try to put some space between my last day of work and when the baby arrived.
I am so grateful to have listened to their wisdom. I picked a Friday about 8 days before her due date and made that my last day at work. It made business sense - it's much easier to transition work and responsibilities when you know the date someone will be starting their leave. It made physical sense - even though my pregnancy was pretty easy as they go, I was still tired and needed more sleep than normal. It gave me space to rest up before the marathon of giving birth followed immediately by the even more intense marathon of parenting and breastfeeding a tiny newborn who needs to eat around the clock. It made mental sense - it can take a few days to unplug from work before we can truly be in a different mindset. And it made logistical sense - it's great to have a little bit of time between naps to take care of any little tasks you would like to get done before the baby arrives. I followed the same game plan for my second, and it was even more valuable then given a much more physically painful pregnancy the second time around.
To be sure, babies do not often arrive exactly on their due date. So you might plan to be out at 38 weeks, or 39 weeks, and then baby arrives at 37 weeks. In that case, you're smart and strong and you will make it work. But to the extent that you can plan to give yourself a little time, it's a great thing to do for yourself and your baby. Check to see if your state allows for disability coverage for these final weeks of your pregnancy to help lighten the financial load - California provides disability pay for pregnant women at the end of their pregnancies in many cases.
Parental Leave "Leap Frog"
Did I just make up this term, or do others use it too? Who knows.
We got this idea from friends, and it worked out well for us with both of our children's newborn stages. We both took time off work as soon as the baby was born, and then Jon went back to work while I finished up most of the rest of my maternity leave. When I went back to work, he went on leave again and finished out his paternity leave. A handful of months later, I went out again for a week or two as my final maternity leave.
Why did we do this? A number of reasons:
It extended the number of weeks/months that one of us was home with our new baby, which was great for bonding as well as saved us money on childcare.
We both got the experience of being a stay-at-home parent/primary caregiver for a period of time. This matters as we work hard for an equal partnership.
In both cases, my kids were born before busy elections seasons (which matter a ton at my organization). I came back after 10 or 11 weeks of leave (instead of my allowed 12) to get started on that work, and saved those final weeks of leave to enjoy later in the year. With both kids, I ended up taking this final leave around the winter holidays, when they were several months older and it was a blast to get to spend all day with my no-longer-so-tiny babies who had bigger personalities and were quite different than their newborn selves.
Plan for Childcare Now
If you are going to need some sort of childcare at some point in the first handful of months after your baby is born (or, if you're not sure yet but there's a chance you might need childcare), you should consider getting a spot confirmed while you are still pregnant.
You should ask around to understand your local context - I accept that this might not be the case in other parts of the country. But here in Oakland, great childcare spots are often filled up 6-12 months before the spot is available. We adore the home daycare where Cameron goes (and where Brooklyn went before she started preschool recently), and our good friends just lucked into an open spot by snagging it when they were still in their first trimester (the owner shared with me that someone else asked for that spot just 2 weeks later - for a spot 10 months in the future).
I often see parents frantically posting on moms' groups about needing to go back to work in a month and not finding any open spots for their child. And you can't blame them - how would they know that they need to plan so aggressively far in advance? You are not going to be in any position to figure out all of these logistics with a newborn. Take care of it while you are pregnant if you can. Even if you are not sure, it might be worth putting in a deposit for a few hundred dollars so that you have a spot secured to keep your options open.
I don't have much personal experience with nannies or nanny shares, so if you do, I'd appreciate your thoughts in the comments about how early you need to figure that out to be safe.
Read This Book for Practical Advice
I read this book after the birth of my second child, and I wish it had existed before my first. It's a great practical guide to pregnancy and parenthood while working outside the home. By practical, I mean it has a sample schedule that helps you figure out how often you need to pump at work if you're breastfeeding and how to fit it into your workday, and what to pack in your pump bag. The other chapters are similarly helpful and illuminating. If you are a working mom, will be a working mom, or you are or will be partnered with a working mom, you should read this. It gave me great tips that I am still using about how to fit in being a mom with a big job at the same time. Worth your $8.
