Parenting is Hard. You need People Who Get It. Here Are 3 Ways to Find Them.
Being a parent is hard. Being a mom can be especially hard. Having a supportive community is important in all stages of life (research shows that friends are more important even than family as you get older, among other benefits). And building friendships in your adult years can be really challenging.
In our roles as parents, social connections with others experiencing the same challenges is deeply important. Here, I’ll share my experience with finding parenting communities in three different ways.
Before I do that, I’ll note that these communities are often focused on moms. There are groups for dads or non-binary parents, but they are much more difficult to find (though here’s a national organization focused on dads). That’s such a shame, because we all need communities to support ourselves. If you are not finding a community that works for you and you have capacity, consider creating that space. You and others will benefit.
Facilitated, Small Parents Group
For me, this is the most supportive community I’ve found by many orders of magnitude. Find a facilitated small group that starts near the baby’s due date (here’s one in the East Bay area of California). I did this for a Second Time Moms Group when my second child was born. We talked about what was going on with each of us, asked our questions, and supported each other through the hard stuff. Our group was 9 women, and 8 of us still see each other monthly or so and have a group text we use every single day. We took our first moms’ retreat weekend last year and are planning our next for this coming March. At this point, we’re nearly four years out from meeting each other. Even after signing up, I almost didn’t show up for this group (my introvert was leading that day). That would have been a major mistake, so I’m glad I leaned into the discomfort and got in the car with my little newborn to attend. I’m so grateful for this small community of friends.
Facilitated Regular Group Meetings
When my first child was born, I went to a weekly drop-in group at our hospital (Kaiser Permanente) that was a lifeline for me. The participants were not always the same crew, but there were consistent familiar faces. Typically there was a group of 15-25 parents there each week, and it was facilitated lightly by a KP staffer. Parents would bring questions about everything from sleep to breastfeeding to airplanes with babies to brands of formula. Often, a group would grab lunch afterward and continue relationships and conversations. This was a crucial way to get out of the house on maternity leave and feel less alone when I was wondering about how many millennia I had left to go before my baby would sleep through the night or if anyone had found a way to keep a sock or bootie on a baby that the child didn’t immediately pull off (by the way? The answer to that last question is these.)
Social Media Groups
Social media lacks much of the real connection that is available in-person. It can also veer into negativity/sanctimony much more quickly than people would if they were face-to-face. But there are many benefits, too! It can be a way to find a group for a specific area of support you need (for example, for parents whose children are experiencing a similar health issue as your child). It can be more accessible on your own time (you can comment on a post while up for that 3am feeding!). You can ask a question and get answers from across town, across the country, or across the world. How to find a group that meets your needs?
There are Facebook groups for parents of kids born in the same month. For example, I was in a group called “April 2016 Babies” while pregnant with my second child, and during his first few years of life. It was great to have other parents with babies at very similar stages.
There are locally-focused groups as well, which could also serve as a way to find people with which to connect in person.
There are large Facebook groups for parenting like Ask the Chicks or Woo-Free Peaceful Parenting. Search in general for parenting groups and you’ll find these, or ask others you know about groups they like.
Parenting is incredibly difficult. You’re doing a good job, even if it doesn’t feel like that much of the time. A community will help carry you through the frustrating and sad times and celebrate the good times with you. You deserve that, so give yourself the gift of finding the community that meets your needs.
What else do you do to find community in your parenting journey?
You Might Also Enjoy:
Sign up for my weekly email newsletter with 5 simple tips for making life more joyful and easy here.
